The adventure started Friday morning around 8:30am with Tuna arriving on my doorstep so we could head off to Cloverdale to pick up Hildy on the way. I met French's wife and apologized for the years of inconvenience I have caused her since Hildy is constantly working on the JBL. I get that with most spouses - they don't like me because of what the JBL does to their hubbies. I get it. I understand. It's a curse.
We crossed the border at 9:45 and arrived in Portland just before 3pm. Checked into the lovely Embassy Suites in downtown Portland and was told at the front desk that we could come down for a 'happy hour' from 5:30 to 7:30pm. We checked out our luxurious 2 bedroom suite and headed down to the Arcadian Gardens at 5:15pm to see what was going on. We learned that this was more than just a happy hour. It was a free-for-all of drinking. Complimentary drinks was the word. I was thinking beer and wine. Ummm. Nope. Whatever you want. The only rule - only one drink at a time. OK. That sounded logical. We saw one guy try to order a drink for himself and his buddy sitting over at the table. Umm. No. Can't do that. You could only carry one drink at a time. So, we figured this out pretty quick. One of us could order 3 drinks, carry our own back, and then send the other 2 back to bypass the lengthy lines to get the 2 drinks waiting at the bar. Cha-Ching. So, this 2 hour happy hour turned into 36 Vodka based nectar of the god libations. And the cost. Free. And these weren't 20% vodka 80% coke/cranberry - these were free pours that as the night went along seemed to get stronger and stronger. By 7:30 my head was spinning. We pounded back the booze while watching some NBA game that I can no longer remember. I left our bartender girl, who I nicknamed Chubby, a nice $20 dollar tip and told her we would see her the next night.
So, at 7:30 we left our free bar and headed off to Buffalo Wild Wings for a feast of little chicken wings. We ordered up 50 wingies and more drinks and watched the end of the Heat/Jazz game and the riveting Suns/Clippers game. This foggy dinner included Tuna announcing to the entire restaurant in a booming voice that Devin Harris was going to hit the game winner for the Jazz --- and then Devin made Tuna a God. He hit the shot!! We also took in our meal sitting next to Bartolo Colon. Yes, the fattest, most grotesque looking chubby man you could ever imagine. He had chicken wing sauce everywhere. Loved it. The only disappointing part of this meal was that we had to pay for it. Crazy I know.
We staggered back to the hotel room to continue our discussions about potential trades. Future hall of famers like Devin Harris, Marcus Thornton, and Caron Butler always appeared to be front and center of every discussion. Of course, Golden was the only one to bring his laptop. Idaho and French were stuck looking at 4" screens on their phones analyzing stats. And that's when it happened. Tuna sent his classic 2 for 1 offer (Devin and Danny Granger I believe) for Ty Lawson. In case you didn't know - we heard this a lot in PDX - Devin Harris was an All-Star like 2 years ago. This comment, was supposed to enhance Devin's value. So, while French laughed at this 2 for 1 offer involving a former all-star who now averages 10 and 5 on the season (but who had been on fire in his last ten games (11 and 5) - he immediately went to his JBL trade page to click reject. Unfortunately for him, there are some new ads on the left hand side of the mobile page and the accept button was moved over slightly to the right. So, French 'accepted' the deal. You should have seen the panic in his eyes. Oh my. He was running around the room like he had a corn dog up his corn hole and needed to get it out. Hilarious stuff. Tuna was disappointed that he didn't get Lawson but I think more depressed that he didn't trade Granger. I give the kid credit - he found a million and one ways to try and spin that Granger was still a Fantasy stud. The counter arguments always came back to his 39 and 36 %'s.
The night went on into the wee hours discussing many varieties of trades involving the same players but nothing really progressed over the night. We retired to our beds, drunk and full of chicken to contemplate more offers for Saturday and what the day would bring....
Some other highlights/low-lights from the 1st day...
- Chris Mullin's game being compared to Andre Iguodala's. (Golden was pretty smashed when I made this comment). However, upon reviewing Mullin's career numbers and a certain 5 year stretch - we all agreed Mullin must have been the greatest Fantasy player of all time. Of ALL TIME.
- Farts were at an all time low for a road trip I've been on. Very disappointing.
- A debate on who you would rather have on your fantasy team back in the day - Ben Wallace or Dennis Rodman
- We agreed that Marcin Gortat is one ugly dude
- Despite Idaho's claims to the contrary - Danny Granger's FG% has gotten worse every season.
Stay tuned for Part 2....
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